Changes
again, i'm sad. i can't help but feel like i've lost who i was. i feel boring and like old news. i'm 21 years old and can't stand that i feel this way. when people ask me what's new...i have nothing to tell them.
i haven't performed, i haven't made anything, organized anything, work isn't exciting, i haven't written anything, i am not any better at the guitar...(in fact, i'm much worse...) everything in my life, excluding the people in it....seems so damn trivial.
alli have are old stories about mercedez, but that's not who i am at all.
i love my boyfriend and i don't want to spend much time away from him.
i prefer to be with him than to be alone most times and i'm wondering if that's a problem.
Perhaps it doesn't feel so unhealthy...i guess i'm fully aware it wouldn't kill me to be alone.
I just am paranoid that Ive gone mad and lost my sense of independence. I've been out of town without him and he's been out of town without me but there's just something that feels too unfamiliar about being with someone ALL the time. even if I'm enjoying every moment spent together. even though I don't resent any moment spent together...
I wonder if i should just get used to this me i do not recognize
does anyone remember when i didn't feel lame at parties. I couldn't wait to get there and now sometimes it seems I can't wait to leave. I still have fun most times but how awkard I've gotten is unrecognizable. I may have laughed if someone told me I'd be socially awkard.
i've just been feeling very much like i've lost someone or something that was really important. I'm nostalgic and lonely but i've never felt more loved by any one person than I do with Adam and I am very appreciative but maybe I jsut need to be more motivated to do other things. have adventures. and not necessarily alone but maybe? I never really prefered alone time and I don't think I ever will.
-sigh- it's time to see a shrink.
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